Praise in Public, Correct in Private

One of the most common topics that leaders bring up in coaching sessions is “How to manage difficult conversations with their teams”.  Topics may range from managing declining performance, addressing employee morale, to personal issues outside of work that affect the individual.  

Leaders, regardless of experience and stature, oftentimes find such discussions uncomfortable and awkward.  Some would gladly take a “magic pill” to make conversations easier to do.  Unfortunately, this pill does not exist.  However, there is a way that may just do the magic when used together and which everyone already has – Respect and Humanity.

One of my great mentors was Rizalino S. Navarro . He was Managing Partner at a top consulting company (SGV and Co), Secretary of the Department of Trade and Industry in the Philippines, and then Executive Vice Chairman and CEO of Rizal Commercial Banking Corporation (RCBC), He had a work ethic like no other, a network of both domestic and international contacts, and he was a great family man. 

I had the privilege of working with Mr. Navarro, or RSN at RCBC as his Executive Assistant.  Among all of his achievements and stature, the greatest and most significant to me was that he was a Gentle-man in the truest sense of the word.  

I saw Respect and Humanity in the way he managed people, and in the way he gave feedback. “Praise in public, correct in private” was a lesson I learned from him. 

“Praise in public” means just that.  When someone does good work, acknowledge the work and the person publicly. Show appreciation and gratitude. 

I was never one who looked for public recognition. It was never something that motivated me. Knowing that I did a good job is enough. However, when I became a leader and by listening to those around me, I realized that not everyone was like me. In fact, majority of the people I have worked with find appreciation, especially in a public way, very motivating. And so, I learned to praise often and appropriately, and if circumstances allow, publicly. Praise is  a celebration, and so, it should be shared!

 On the other hand, giving constructive feedback requires a level of sensitivity and compassion. In majority of cases, whether feedback is on a performance appraisal, a business deal, or navigating personal interactions, these are best given in private.  

RSN  could be the toughest member of the Executive committee or of the Board of Directors. But when he realized someone was not prepared on a topic, he would simply say “This needs more study.  Come back when you have the information.”  In time, everyone understood that this meant “it was not a “NO” and it certainly was not a “YES”. It was a “Not Yet”.  This also set a high standard for work, and everybody knew that when he or she got that “YES”, it was well-earned.  

Praising in public and correcting in private is one lesson I learned from RSN, and which I practiced as a leader.  It has proven to be very effective in managing my teams. In my personal life, it has also proven to be effective in raising my son.

So how do we learn how to correct in private?

• Have empathy. Imagine for a moment that it was the other way around. How would you react to receiving the not-so-good news? The doctor’s bedside manner is now a very important part of patient care. How a person hears about his sickness is very important to his road to recovery.  There are two ways to deliver bad news – with kindness and compassion, or without it.  It is the same at work – how a person hears about his negative performance rating is important to how (and how fast) he improves.  Let me ask you, if you were about to receive bad news, which way would you prefer to receive it?

• Allow time for awareness. One thing leaders have in advance is the awareness and time to understand the issue that exists. Usually, they have been weighing this issue for some time before it comes up in conversation with the person affected. But for the other person, this is probably the first time he is hearing the issue or feedback and may need more time to process and catch up. Allowing them time to do so is the most respectful way to manage a difficult conversation. Unless the situation is extremely urgent, time is the one thing you can immediately give to someone to allow them to come to terms with the bad news.  At the end of the day, what is few hours or days to allow the person the time to come to terms with what they’ve heard?

• Set expectations and communicate frequently. One way to build awareness early is to set clear, concrete expectations and to communicate that consistently and frequently. This allows a team to build its own awareness and self-regulate over time. The best way to avoid difficult conversations is to prevent them from happening. Before you correct something, take a step back and ask yourself, “Was this crystal clear to them”?  If not, make some adjustments on timing because in a way, you were contributing to the lack of clarity of the situation.
  
  When my young son would misbehave, I learned to step back, and ask how he felt and if he knew what he did was wrong.  If it was obvious that this was the first time, I knew that he was processing and learning his lesson.  I would use the experience to build his awareness (and mine) and the expectation (both his and mine) that this behavior must not happen again. We all need to communicate frequently and consistently. 

• Safeguard the person, give them a choice. Giving constructive feedback is difficult but cannot be avoided.  This is part of a leader’s job. When necessary, this should be done in a private manner between yourself and the affected party, to give that person the space and respect he/she deserves or needs to process the feedback. Further, the feedback must be direct and clear so there is no further miscommunication. 

Ultimately, the path forward rests on the person receiving the feedback. What will they do with it? How will they improve? What support do they need? These questions highlight one thing – even if you are their boss, you do not control them. They must make the choice on their own, on how to move forward. And that’s the key: CHOICE. 

Most people, given enough time and space to process, will come to a logical conclusion. 

As a coach I believe that every person has the ability to solve their challenges. This has been the history of mankind that allowed Humanity to exist and thrive for millions of years. That belief must be lived and shown in this moment. Do not rush them. Work out a solution that is win-win for both you and the organization.

I am frequently asked “how do I make this easier on the leader?” And to this question, I like to look at the WHY. Why are you doing this? Usually, you are making a choice, but it is a choice between something hard and something harder. 

Many leaders know that the task of giving difficult feedback needs to be done. But it is important to know what comes after as a result, when you do. The outcome may be better team dynamics, employee re-engagement, or for non-performers, a more suitable place where their talents can be better utilized.

Before I end, I would like to say that like all things in life, it is important to find the right balance.  On the other end, praising too often or not providing enough constructive feedback can have negative consequences to the individual and to the team.

Like all leadership skills, this does get easier with time, preparation and practice. It is something you can learn and master – and you do not need a “magic pill”. 

It is  about respect and humanity, and all of us have that in abundance.